A Question of Confidence

I have been struggling with the issue of confidence for some time. Whenever I think I might have something valuable to say, inner voices shake me to silence with questions of my knowledge, my wisdom, my authority, or my fallibility. And for the most part, I have succumbed to these voices, finding myself wholly unfit to speak when I am so far from maturity in Christian growth. But curiously, the compulsion to write has grown despite all my efforts to squelch it.

What does God desire from me? I am quite certain of my own capacity for error. I cannot imagine what God could say through me that He could not say better through a thousand other people.

Yet, perhaps it is not so much the need of God to speak through me as it is my need to speak of God. In his book, The Legacy of Sovereign Joy, John Piper tells of Calvin’s passion for preaching. He asserts that the glory and majesty of God in His Word “cries out for expository exultation.” Likewise, I think, our deepening appreciation of Christ fills some mysterious place within us to overflowing, so that we are compelled to exult God in speech, or song, or in an art of some kind.

But what can be said that has not been said? And what good can come of saying it all again? N.T. Wright, in his book, Simply Christian, speaks of God’s use of varying personalities to convey His message. He says,

“...writers, compilers, editors, and even collectors of scripture were people who, with different personalities, styles, methods, and intentions, were nonetheless caught up in the strange purposes of the covenant God—purposes which included the communication, by writing, of His word.”

Therefore, shouldn’t we all desire to bear witness to Christ through our own unique talents, producing ever new and unique reflections of the glory of God as revealed to us?

And so I face my fears: that my art may be mediocre, or that I may say something that will lead another astray, or that my ignorance may become all the more apparent. But if Christ will accept my dullest work, how can I withhold it? No book is infallible except the Word of God. And as long as I set my ignorance before me, it will serve as a reminder of my dependence upon Christ.

It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. (2 Co. 4:13-15)